So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
