when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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