It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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