When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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