I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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