Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
