As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
