I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
