He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
