I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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