The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
