You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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