I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
