i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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