you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
