Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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