3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
