highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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