when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
