Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
