mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
