You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
