My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
