So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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