i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
