U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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