I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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