He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
