i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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