apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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