WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
