I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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