i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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