so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
