Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
