Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Less talking, more tequila
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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