so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
