Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
