You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Say something about gay babies.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
