I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
