Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
