it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
