Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
