You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
