it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
