Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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