I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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