end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
