Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
