Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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