Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
