p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
