my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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