I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
