And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
