So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
