Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize