If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize