So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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