his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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