I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
