She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
