I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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