we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
